Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
