saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
