I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
