i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
