i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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