Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
