in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
