She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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