I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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