How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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