After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
