i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
