but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
