if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
