and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
