yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
