You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
