She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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