So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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