now i know why i became what i already was.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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