Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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