i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
