I want to make a zoo with you.
He kissed a someone with a penis
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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