best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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