My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
