the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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