I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
