did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
