So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
