I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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