...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
