dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
