Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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