I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
