So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
