Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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