I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
