worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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