dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Me too!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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