i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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