You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
