I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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