Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
