i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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