She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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