i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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