dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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