I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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