Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
