I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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