I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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