I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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