My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
