am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
