Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
foreskin is a definite game changer
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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