he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
