he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
