The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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