I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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