My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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