Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
