you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
