She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
