The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
