before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Randomize
