were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
