I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
