You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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