Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She said her name was "party"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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