Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
