LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
