while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
