and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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