Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
