This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize