Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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