my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize